The Style Mermaid by Kisty Mea

First of March

March 1, is this year’s “day of change”. I call it as such because every year, I have this strong urge to change some things, whether it’s my blog’s domain name or how my room looks like. This is the time I would visit all of my online accounts, both active and inactive, and update or delete them. At some point, I even make new accounts just to satisfy my obsessive compulsive trait. This is the time where I de-clutter my life.

I’ve been feeling positive lately and I partly owe it to the endless source of inspiration I see on Pinterest and from watching or reading classical literature. I recently saw Breakfast at Tiffany’s and I couldn’t help but fall in love with Audrey Hepburn’s wit and charm. She is so gorgeous and such a sweetheart, no wonder she’s a famous icon. I’m also reading The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and once I’m done, I’ll watch the 1939 film starring Judy Garland (I’ve seen that film when I was still in OBMCI).

This has nothing to do with my post but I just want to leave this:

It’s better to lose a fight if you know yourself that the reward is not even worth fighting for. Winning may give you glory but it doesn’t guarantee that it’ll make you a better or bigger person. 

It’s a lesson I’ve learned during my term break while faced with a personal problem. I thought it’s a nice lesson to share since we all have our battles but we have to know which ones are worth it. 

I don’t want to forget all the great stories we’ve made together. I want to remember them so I can share it to our grandchildren. 

I want them to know the time you’ve decided to do well in programming so you could tutor and spend time with me. I want them to know how long you’ve patiently waited for me to be your girl (three years to be exact). I want them to know the other silly things you did just to make me laugh. I want them to know the time I broke up with you and the first thing you did was book a ticket to Singapore to win me back. I want them to know that you’ve made me a better person.

More importantly, I want them to know how much you love me despite my past, mistakes and flaws. You’ve been wonderful to me and I’m very lucky to have someone as understanding and patient like you. 

 

So many thoughts, so many emotions; I don’t know which one should I deal with first. I try to escape the pain, the fear, the rejection but everytime I do, I just get sucked in. Back to square one. Consuming me once again, full of despair and hopelessness. The chaos inside my head is too much. I just want to be alone, savor the eerie silence and be at peace tonight.