I don’t want to forget all the great stories we’ve made together. I want to remember them so I can share it to our grandchildren.
I want them to know the time you’ve decided to do well in programming so you could tutor and spend time with me. I want them to know how long you’ve patiently waited for me to be your girl (three years to be exact). I want them to know the other silly things you did just to make me laugh. I want them to know the time I broke up with you and the first thing you did was book a ticket to Singapore to win me back. I want them to know that you’ve made me a better person.
More importantly, I want them to know how much you love me despite my past, mistakes and flaws. You’ve been wonderful to me and I’m very lucky to have someone as understanding and patient like you.
So many thoughts, so many emotions; I don’t know which one should I deal with first. I try to escape the pain, the fear, the rejection but everytime I do, I just get sucked in. Back to square one. Consuming me once again, full of despair and hopelessness. The chaos inside my head is too much. I just want to be alone, savor the eerie silence and be at peace tonight.
Seven more days.
February 14 is the day where motels and flower shops are busy, true story. I don’t know how they celebrate it in other countries but that’s how I see it in the Philippines, particularly in Manila. I never liked Valentine’s Day and never will. The insane traffic and extreme mushiness of couples just makes me sick. This day, which is not even a proper holiday, is just too commercialized because couples are forced to buy “extravagant’ gifts for each other, go to fancy restaurants and cuddle all day. Okay, there’s nothing wrong with that but love is supposed to be celebrated each and every single day. No need for a “holiday” to do that.
I don’t mind spending the day at home, with my boy and a box of pizza, playing some cool video game on my 3D TV.
In a few months time, I’ll be turning 24. I don’t look like 24 and I certainly don’t feel like one but by then and hopefully, I have completed my master’s degree here in Singapore. I guess, 24 can be considered as an “impressive” age to be carrying a master’s degree since some people pursue it after a couple years of working. But when I look at people my age and see what they’re doing or how much they’ve accomplished in life, I feel like my pace is that of a turtle…. or maybe a snail, or even worst, a slug!
I guess the reason I’m having these thoughts is because at the back of my head, I always saw myself settling down by the age of 25. Truth be told, I’m not ready to settle down yet but I just feel that at 24, I should be preparing for my life in the near future by having a job and earning actual money. Instead, I’m here being dependent with my family because my pass forbids me to apply for a job here in Singapore and school is consuming a lot of my time already that I can’t afford to apply or do any freelance work.
I guess none of you can really relate to me because most of you guys are between 13 to 21. In fact, some of you are little sisters of blockmates (Hi, sister of Jenzo… If you’re reading this!).
I think I’m going to sketch to ease my mind off things. Good night!